All about pee, yes, pee

My weekly doctor's appointments have become quite a circus lately in that I have to make sure the kids are taken care of, my bags are packed in case of being admitted to the hospital, and I have to pee in that dang cup...which I like to call a thimble. My doctor's office is a little weird in the way that they do things with maternity patients. You see, first I get there on time, only to sit in the FIRST waiting room anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 1/2 hours. Finally, after I get called back (along with 3 other pregnant women), we are all waddled to the scale like a bunch of ducks in a row. As if weighing isn't enough to send me into complete hysterics, the nurse so kindly says, "Honey, I need a sample." I just grin at her and use one of the two "sample collecting bathrooms" all the while wanting to say to her, "Well, honey, I have been waiting so long in the waiting room, I need a buffet!" Of course, I do what Momma Duck tells me to do and I head to the bathroom to do the one thing I am really good at lately, pee. I always make sure to lock the door because I wouldn't want ANYONE to come in and catch me in the very unglamorous positions I must try in order to get even a drop of urine in the thimble. All I can currently see is belly, so I grab a cup, do my best to aim, and pray. I think a man must have invented those little dixie cups for urine collection because if it had been a pregnant woman I am quite sure that I would have something the size of a bucket. Sometime after 28 weeks, my percent of urine that actually makes it into the cup is far less than that hits the floor, the toilet, my hands...Gross, I know...but don't worry I use plenty of soap. I personally think that men are much better equipped for this type of thing, so why aren't they peeing in cups? What happens next is usually equally embarrassing. I emerge about 10 minutes later holding the urine I actually did collect in the cup and have to stand along the wall and wait. I get so tickled every time because all three of us are lined up along the wall, holding our liquid gold that we are very proud of, waiting on the nurse to return. I can't help it, I always check to see if I managed to get more in my cup than anyone else, and, of course, I hold the gold medal to date for the clearest urine! Funny, how pee can make you competitive! Once I hand over my prized pee, I get my blood pressure checked and sent to ANOTHER waiting room...oh, the things women endure for their precious babies.