I generally have a solid answer for every question, however, there is one question that I am just not too sure how to answer, but getting a lot more these days as my belly grows and grows. The question is: Is this your first baby? Sometimes I feel like I can get away with just a simple "no", but other times it doesn't seem to suffice. A couple of people go beyond this question and ask, "How many kids do you have?" This is where it gets tricky- well, not tricky so much as a long story, followed by a lot of questions. The lady in the waiting room at my doctor's appointment yesterday reminded me of just how heavy of a question this is for me. While I do not think that my history is really a stranger's business, when asked the question regarding the number of children I have, I feel as though I am slighting Adelide and Belle by not acknowledging their short lives. Generally, to make everyone more comfortable, I say I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old, with this baby due in August. But...that is not entirely the truth. I guess I am just scared to make others uncomfortable- or even more so, feel sorry for me. The real truth is that I will soon have 5 children, 2 of which left this world way too soon and after a very limited amount of breaths. Another reason that I might be contemplating this question more is because Ava Ryan has begun to notice the cemetery where Adelide and Belle are buried, as we pass by it everyday on our way home. When she does bring them up she generally will say, "Look, Mommy, my sisters are over there." The first time she said this to me I cried, but now I am just grateful that she realizes that she has sisters, even though they aren't with us right now. Another reason might be because I would be signing them up for school this year, as they would be turning 5. I am also grateful for all of the special friendships I have with other mothers, just like me, who might struggle with this question, too. I know of at least 4 friends who would put this at the top of their hardest questions list, also.
Old McDonald's Farm
12 years ago
4 comments:
Yup, its hard. I always say this is my third though. I feel the same way. I think of it is my Grandmother is dead but she did live and I love her still so how is that any different?If people are really nosey, I feel like they deserve to feel bad.
I can't imagine. Truly one of the hardest things I think we could possibly go through in this life. You seem to handle it all with such faith and love, I admire you for that. I wish I looked 1/2 as good as you for having 5 babies! :) Man, you put me to shame!
I have to agree. I am never quite sure how to tell a stranger how many kids I have but I usually say it how it is, 3. I agree with the first comment too on if they want to ask more questions and be nosy they should feel bad. Whether living or not they are a part of our family and so I acknowledge it. I totally know how you feel!
It is a question that gets me all the time. I used to be worried about everyone else. But then I left the conversation with so much guilt. So I have just started telling the truth..."He has two big sisters in Heaven!" I let the conversation go where it will. I guess I see it as a ministry. I have met so many people who have been through similar situations because I mentioned Finley and Caroline. I have been blessed with so many great friends, you being one, because of their stories! Sure, it makes people feel awkward at times but...they asked!! More often than not, it has lead to deeper and meaningful conversation!
I am so thrilled to see that belly of yours, with a healthy little one tucked safely inside!!! Keep up the good work!!
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