Four years ago today Matt and I endured something that no couple should ever have to. June 12, 2004 was the day that I went into premature labor with our twins, Adelide and Belle. After hours of pain, tears, and medical intervention we delivered two of the most beautiful little girls. Given that they had no chance of survival, they weren't quickly whisked away and hooked up to wires, but left for us to hold until they took their last breaths. The joy and pain associated with holding your first born, knowing they wouldn't go home with you, became all too real. I was a mother, but not in the conventional sense. The days that followed were practically unbearable- I mourned for my babies. I yearned to feel them kick, even experiencing "phantom kicking," which only reminded me that they were no longer with me. Our nursery was empty and would remain that way for almost 2 years. June 12th comes and goes each year, and while the pain fades, memories of that day never get blurry. I can remember the way they smelled, their tiny chests rising and falling with each tiny breath, their perfect ears, fingernails, and tiny feet. I can't help but wonder what they might look like today, what their interests would be, or how it would feel to raise identical twins. Adelide and Belle, Mommy and Daddy love and miss you very much.
There's a pain beyond imagining
That's burning in your heart
For suddenly your whole world
Has been cruelly ripped apart
All words of consolation
Which are bound to come your way
Will probably seem empty
And of little use today
For when you ask for reasons
When you ask the question why
It makes no sense at all
That one so precious had to die
The only source of comfort
Is your memories and the love
And they will shine forever
Like the brightest star above
A flame that burns eternally
So strong it lights the sky
And even through your darkest days
That flame will never die
4 comments:
Oh, my friend, I know the hurt you feel today. I am grateful that time softens the pain of losing children. Even more, I grateful that time does not take away the memories or the details of those difficult days. I don't want to forget them or to have them fade away. They ARE our children. Their lives have changed us in ways we never imagined. They were a precious gift to us. They allowed our paths to cross. They taught us to reach out to others in a way we could never do before. They have made us more compassionate and more appreciative of the blessings we have been given. They have changed our lives forever,
You and Matt are in my prayer today.
Erin, You have two precious angels watching over you and your family! You are in our thoughts this week!
Erin, You do have two precious angels watching over you and your family. I'm sure they were to beautiful little girls and at the age of 4 I'm sure they would be alot like funny Ava!
Oh Erin...I am thinking about you and praying for you all during this difficult time. Much Love.
Post a Comment